The Voicemail.

When we were 'together' you had left me a voicemail. I never listened to it, I ignored your call at the time when I was too busy doing nothing. I realize now that that was the problem. I ignored you, and now that it's to late I actually care what you have to say. There is something very wrong with this, I know that I didn't like you at the time, and that I'm just fooling myself when I think of the possibility that I may have missed out on something. I'm not so much stuck on you or what you were, but what I wish you could have been. Afterall, It's only in time that I would get sick of doing this to myself, the whole cutting people out thing. It's not what I want, it's just what I do without even knowing or caring until I realize it's far to late. Like now. It's been month's since we spoke, and longer since you left me the voicemall, but I found myself looking for it about a month and a half ago on my phone, it wasn't there. It had been long gone for about almost 1-2 months by then, since my phone clears things once it hits 15 days. I mean, I'm sure your message was nothing, I was just curious. And still am. But also by listening to it I want to tell myself I'm wrong, that I do in fact know you better then I actually do, especially after the amount of time we spent together. Since you could probably say that I'm pretty heartless that I don't remember your voice, your face, your touch, your feel, your taste, your anything. I hate that Ben is always right about me, especially when it comes to things like you. I don't like the idea that I will never care about anyone or anything. Especially as I get to know myself it seems to be true. There was nothing wrong with you, I remember you treating me perfectly, yet I still didn't want you. I felt more comfortable not having you. Seriously, I don't even miss you. All though for some reason, I wish I did.