Bothers.

I'm starting to realize that I could be looked at and thought of as a terrible person. I mean, I don't ever really do anything that would compromise me as a person. I take pride in who I am and the things that I do, or in most cases, don't do. I'm still full of myself, as always, but the more I'm content with myself and give less of a shit about what other people have to say the more I let loose and sometimes let a little too much go. I mean, I'm into self improvement like no other and by the choices I have made recently I have learned a lot from. Which, I'm happy with. I like that I don't always live life safe guarding myself, I like having crazy stories to look back on. I like learning things, in different and exciting ways. Even if other people may not think much of my decison making skills. Like the other night, getting drunk with Andrew lead to things that I figured would happen. To me it's not a big deal, but if word gets out I may look a bit dirty for doing things with Andrew when I use to kick it with his younger brother Alex that is my age. I mean I HAD a thing with Alex, but by no means were we a THING. So really, Alex couldn't be the furtherest thing from my mind so making decisions so do things with other guys has nothing to do with him in any shape or form. But the thing is Andrew is his BROTHER,...maybe I should have taken that in to consideration? I mean, we haven't talked to each other in months so it's no doubt he feels the sameway about me as I do about him, AKA completely over it. But the fact is at the end of the day they are brothers. I know me and Andrew don't have things for each other, at most before we may have flirted, and I really couldn't tell anyone if I thought this could happen again between us. I don't think Andrew is the type of guy that will let this change things or make it awkward between us. I think he is cool enough to know it is what it is, if it happens again so what? He's just fun to be around, he truly is the guy verison of me. That's why I feel like we are on the same page on this, that it's no big deal. But for some reason, I wonder if it's crossing a line to be able to say that I know what both of them look like with no pants on. I saw their easter family pictures the other day (which were taken on the day I started talking to Alex) and there were picture of both the boys together, it felt weird, or at least felt like it SHOULD be weird that I have done things with both of them, some of the SAMETHINGS. Oh well, I guess Becca Martin (Andrew's ex-girlfirend) is right to assume I have a thing for Charlson's.

HEYWEARE.

I have only ever told two people about my 'eating disorder'. I say 'eating disorder' because I don't really see it like the picture people always to paint it on T.V. in the news, and especially health class, it's not taking over my life, but I'm starting to accept that, that is INDEED what it is called. I've been thinking about it alot lately, probably because of I'm starting up again. I do, in fact, know when to stop so I don't need people thinking I'm going to trying to be 100 pounds or anything. (That is impossible for someone with my build. Afterall, I'm about 5' 10".) Which is the main reason I'm so hush hush about it. I'm finally to the orginal goal weight I had made for myself, back when I didn't even think this would work. But two years later, and here I am. I'm actually about 5 pounds past it. I can't beleive it. But now that I'm here, I think another ten pounds wouldn't hurt. So that's the goal for this month. I'd really like to finish up high school and go in to college with nothing holding me back, and I've alwayd felt that my weight was doing that. I'm all about self improvement these days, and this year, my senior year, I'm in a gym class called "Body shaping and toning." That should REALLY bring it home for me. I want to go to that class at a healthy weight and then just work out the kinks. I'm still in shock that this weight battle I've had since I was in second grade is almost over. Anything is possible from here on out.
Oh, And if anyone cares, The two people that I told were my best friend Sadie and brother Tom.