Who is this person? (Continued)

Kay, So I said that the whole Matt thing was a one time thing- well I was wrong. I was a two time thing. I kinda left time hanging last night and he got back to me this afternoon. Although this time, there was no 'get back to me later' type thing. It was a true end. I'll get over it, hell I already am. He was a refreshment. Made me realize it need to meet new people that I can find someone to talk to. All the people that I know now have had to much between us happen or I know to much about them. Things that I have gotten not to like, I hate when people pick up new bad habits that completely change them. I'm done with highschoolers. I need to meet people that are already set in their ways and ver their unstable years. All the people I consider the best people that make the best friends are all older. Not old just older, as in out of highschool. Which just goes to prove my point, HSers SUCK. Why does Highschool have to leave such a stain on peoples personalities? Why do people throw away everything just for a few years of care free fun that will come back to bite them in the butt. You screw off, you get screwed over. How macny times have we been tolf this, yet everyone just feels the need to prove how dumb they can be? Whatever, I just need to find my person.

Who is this person?

I hardly know this person I have been talking to for the last few hours. I don't see him as I once did. He isn't surpose to be this kind, from what I hear. So far my converstation with him as been real easy and I haven't forced myself in to continuing it. It just rolls on it's own. Things haven't been like this with anyone in a long time. It's almost nice in a eery way. It's out of place, yet comfortable. I would follow through on this interaction if asked too, but I know that's to much to ask. This is strictly a one night thing. It makes me think though, why am I not like this with everyone? Especially with my friends and family, the dearest people to me. I think part of the ease with Matt comes from my lack of carefulness with what I say. Half way because I don't care if he likes me or not. We aren't friends.

Fresh Start.

With this new start on this period of my life I'm going to put my all into it. I can't redo the things I have done, or in better words. not done. But Monday is when I'll prove myself, as someone that has some responsiblities and goals. New Tri., new way of life.

Things I deeply regret.

1.) Not telling my parents about what happened at my daycare when I was younger, but I plan to some day.
2.) Accidently killing that duckling that me and my Momma found when we at my cabin, back when I was really little. It was scared and went into shock.
3.) Pushy people away.
4.) Not caring about people that care about me.
5.) Not taking school seriously all these years. I mean, I'm a junior and I have the feeling I have conquered nothing.
6.) Giving up on things I really liked, fearing I would embarrass myself.
7.) Being shy and super fat for so long.
8.) Not giving the right people second chances.
9.) Giving the wrong people second chances.
10.) Being confident in everything but the ONE thing I need to be confident at.
11.) Not being there when James Short died.
12.) Lossing touch with Jonhhy Kay in the last few months before his accident that killed him.

High School.

High School is everything they say, it is a total waste with lots of drama, hard classes, impossible teachers and stupid situations. One thing I didn't hear, that turned out to be my biggest lesson so far is that this is the time that you find out who your real friends are. I think it's because this is where people from into the people they really are, we have all grown up in the last few years. Some for the better some for the worse. I can honestly say I have changed for the better, I'm more content with my life than I have ever been. Sure, there are still things I'm working out and trying to figure out how I'm going to handle it, But I look at my challenges with a leveled head and want to comeout and intend to comeout a better person. I have decided to not use my time screwing myself over and missing up my furture, completely. I will say I do lack the motivation to push myself to go above and beyond whats asked off me. I do tend to skate by in school, only doing what it takes to get in and get out, but I don't forget the person that I am or what I stand for. Sadly, I can't say that is true for everyone. I have lost respect of the person I have been closest to for over half my life, because of their lack of self control and their excellent ability to prove they are the most arrogent and selfish person to step on to Earth. They hate everything they stand for,yet they continue with it all. Pathetic, I know. This is where the whole 'finding out who your real friends are' thing comes in, because this is where I realized that there are just somethings you can't give up for a loved one, and that is morals. I thank High School 100% for this, and people that have been through those tough four years can understand that. It's just so high school.

Regrets and Realisations

I have many regrets, most resulting in realisation that I have learned and grown from. I'm just wondering when I'll start to learn that I don't need regrets so wise up and mature. I just wish I wasn't so god damn dense and take the advise that I' given. I need to stop being so naive.